The Talk
by NeonDreams
Summary: Toph knows all. Zutara. Rated T for safety.


"Hey Sparky!" I yelled. It was just after dinner and everyone was already out exploring (Twinkle Toes), sparring (Snoozles and...well, for now I'll just call her Miss Cosmetic Disaster, from what _I've_ been told), or beautifying themselves (Sugar Queen). I'm sure Sparky would've been on his way to do something, too...but I needed to talk to him. Using the word 'talk' loosely. _Ridicule_, _tease_, and _poke_ seemed like better fits.

He noticeably cringed, either from the volume of my voice or my new nickname for him. Turning around, he walked back to where I stood.

"What?" he demanded, irritated. His intentions were too obvious. I could feel his shoulders slump, his face muscles relaxing into a bored expression, his heart rate slowing. He had been going to see Sugar Queen, no doubt about it. I began my little rant, or embarrassment session, or whatever you want to call it.

"Sparky, I don't know what they call it in the Fire Nation, but I'm sure you've gotten The Talk. The Birds and the Bees. You know all the ins and outs, am I right?" I proceeded to rattle off a list of situations that people who've hit puberty get involved in.

"I...What...How do you know about any of this?! " he exclaimed, thoroughly shocked. "You're just a little kid."

"Sparky, Sparky, Sparky..." I sighed, pacing in wide circles around him. "You should know by now that whatever there is to know, I know. I know every slang term, every dirty word, everything there is to know about the joining of a man and a woman - or whatever you and Sugar Queen are - because I am me. Because I just know things. And I also know," I said, poking him sharply in the chest, "that you and Sugar Queen aren't exactly clueless. I can hear your hearts stutter and run marathons and freak out every time you see each other. And don't even get me _started_ on how the rest of your bodies react."

He was slowly backing away now. His eyes were moving so quickly that I couldn't even tell what he was looking at with my feet. I instantly raised up a wall of earth, blocking his passage. Three more walls ascended in the same fashion. A small grin tugged at the corner of my mouth. He was not going to get away until he was thoroughly humiliated.

"You're lucky that I didn't bring this up for everyone to talk about during dinner," I reminded him, the threat clear in my voice. "I bet Sokka and Hakoda would've loved to talk about you getting lucky with _Katara_." His heart jumped when I said her name, and he tried to speak a couple of times, with no success.

"Look, Sparky. I know how you feel about her, and I want you to know that I'm on your side. Because Twinkle Toes," I reminded him, "feels the same way you do, and he's not going to be happy when, not if, you two hook up." He winced.

"It's not going to be pleasant, but if you both pluck up the damn courage to get together, then he'll have to accept it, because Sugar Queen -" I laughed at all of the times Twinkle Toes had tried to tell her how he felt about her, "does not like him that way, trust me." His heart rate calmed a bit, and I felt him smile.

"Thanks, Toph," he said quietly. "But I don't think she really feels like that about me." He rubbed his neck awkwardly. "She only forgave me this afternoon. Even if it does end up that way, it's not going to happen soon." He sounded hopeful, and yet discouraging of himself. I frowned. Sparky really lacked confidence when it came to all of this mushy love stuff.

"I'm never wrong about these things. You two have been giving me heart attacks whenever you come near each other. You get all jumpy and fidgety. It drives me insane. Trust me, Sparky, it's going to happen eventually. I just wanted to make you squirm a little first." I laughed as he muttered something about the excitement going to my head, but I could tell by the sound of his voice that he didn't mean it. Sparky was just insecure.

I earthbended the makeshift tent (as I said before, using my words loosely...it was more like a torture chamber) back into the ground. Zuko turned around to get one last look, and then ran for his life.

I smirked as I pressed my palm to the ground to confirm what my feet were telling me. Yep, I was right. He was going to locate Sugar Queen again. She was his partner in crime, his ninja buddy - whatever you'd like to call it.


End file.
